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Assertiveness, Part 1 Show Notes In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast we are going to talk about assertiveness and how it can make you happier and more confident. And I’m also going to be giving listeners a FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE! Stay tuned! INTRODUCTION What is up people? The Motor City Hypnotist Podcast is here in the Podcast Detroit Northville Studios. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast. I am David Wright and with me is my producer Matt Fox. FIND ME: My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast My social media links: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno Instagram: motorcityhypno If you would like to contribute financially to the show, you can find me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/motorcityhypno?fan_landing=true FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review. (Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!) This episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast is brought to you by Banner Season. Online marketing is saturated and people rarely open their emails. Are you in sales or does your business market to customers? How do you connect with family, friends, and clients? Banner Season takes your marketing into the “real world” by delivering kindness and thoughtfulness directly to your client’s physically. Imagine the excitement of your family, friends and customers as they receive personalized cards and gifts in their mailboxes. Go to bannerseason.com/fantastic and begin today to express kindness and make connections with others. https://bannerseason.com/FANTASTIC WINNER OF THE WEEK; Reese Osterberg https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/good-news/how-one-girl-is-using-baseball-cards-to-spread-joy-after-losing-hers-in-california-fires/ar-BB1bjRo8 ASSERTIVENESS! Much of this information is taken from: The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) Link to purchase near end of show notes! Let me ask you if any of these situations or scenarios are familiar to you: Someone does something offensive or inconsiderate and YOU say I’m sorry! When asked what you prefer, you’ll be the one who says you don’t mind, or would rather that everyone else decides. There may be times when your inner voice tells you that you should speak up about something, but you just can’t bring yourself to make trouble. When you fail at something, you just accept that it wasn’t meant to be, rather learning from it and giving it another shot. You have a really hard time saying no to anything anyone asks of you, even if it really puts you out or has a negative effect on you. You’d rather keep others happy than risk inconveniencing them or annoying them, and you rank your needs as less important than theirs. You don’t think that success is down to hard work and commitment. You think it’s left up to the luck of the draw. If something goes wrong, you chalk it up to it just not being “meant to be”, rather than looking at where you might have gone wrong and considering how you could tweak things to get a different result next time around. You don’t speak directly; you beat around the bush. You’re all about the “oh right, well, I suppose that could be true, maybe.” You hesitate when you talk, reluctant to get to the point or make anyone think that you’re confident in your opinion. When you start your sentences with phrases such as “Would you mind if…?” or “If it’s okay with you…,” it shows that you’re asking for the approval of others. Given you lack confidence in what you’ve got to say, you don’t shout about it. You speak quietly, and often tail off toward the end of a sentence. You’re not used to making small decisions on a daily basis, so you have a really tough time when it comes to deciding the big stuff. You wait for things to come to you, rather than going out and seeking opportunities in life. Romantically, you fall into relationships rather than actively deciding to be in them, and you let your partner dictate the speed at which things move. This Is How To Be More Assertive: 3 Powerful Secrets From Research You don’t want to fight. You don’t want to be hassled. You don’t want to disappoint them. It’s easier to just nod and give them what they want. But later you feel frustrated, trapped and depressed because you’re not getting what you need and you spend all your time serving others. Ever felt this way? We all have. For some of us it’s compartmentalized: you’re a warrior at work but a worrier at home. Or it’s the reverse: you rule the house with an iron fist… but just can’t bring yourself to ask your boss for a raise. What’s going on? There are 4 styles of dealing with people and they all hinge on the idea of control: • Passive people feel they have no control over others. And because they give in to avoid conflict, they also feel they have no control over themselves. • Aggressive people are the opposite. They know they have control over themselves and they also believe they should be able to control others. They typically do this through intimidation. In the short term, it often works. In the long term, people do their best to avoid aggressives. • Passive-aggressive people have control over themselves. They want to control others… but they don’t want to pay the price of being direct. They don’t want to be seen as aggressive and they don’t want to be indebted to others after asking for things. So they play games. They think there are no downsides to deniable aggression. They’re wrong. Eventually they’re seen as inconsiderate or manipulative. And then there’s the Holy Grail: assertiveness. Research shows being assertive is that perfect Goldilocks balance of “just right.” It helps you get the things you need while preserving relationships over the long term. But there’s one problem… Nobody ever tells you what the hell “assertive” really means. How do you do it? How do you get what you need without being a jerk or a manipulator? The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572242094/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=motorcityhypn-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1572242094&linkId=a66ec638629573c7a3535aecfde7292e (Please note, this is an affiliate link. If you purchase through this link, while it does not affect the price you pay, I receive monetary compensation) Join my Empower Your Mind For Success Private Facebook Group Free Hypnosis for Confidence https://bit.ly/2FIxxhd NEXT EPISODE: Assertiveness Part 2 Change your thinking, change your life! Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT The Motor City Hypnotist